THE FILM ANGELS & DEMONS KILLING PEOPLE?

Recently, Tim and I watched the film Angels and Demons, a conspiracy movie revolving around the Vatican, anti-matter, and pure boredom. The only REAL conspiracy here is the time wasted watching it and the lives that are being lost each day because of this movie. How are lives being lost? Here is the break down.

Angels and Demons runs two and a half hours. It brought in $48 million dollars in its first weekend. The average movie ticket costs ten dollars. Ten divided into 48 million is 4.8 million. 4.8 million poor souls viewed A&D for 2.5 hours. 4.8 million times 2.5 equals 12,000,000 hours, which equals 500,000 days, which equals roughly 1,370 years. Now lets say the average life span of an American is 65 years. 1,370 divided by 65 is 21. 21 peoples lives where lost in it’s opening weekend. This mass murder or as the REAL Illuminatti call it, “Movie Boreding”. (Boreding finds it’s roots in the Latin word, Bored) is killing many innocent Christian Americans.

We have heard people say that they are “Bored to Death”, now it’s really happening. A&D is proving to be more deadly than the swine flu and should be quarantined from future viewing. Tim, myself, and several high ranking Christian officials are in urgent talks with the Jew Elders of Hollywood to stop this movie from causing more deaths. The Jew Elders are giving us a fight because their judgment has become clouded by profits and greed. We can’t blame them, for there is something in their DNA that disorients them when they are around, talking about, or thinking about, money.

We are not calling for a boycott of this movie, but a quarantine of every deadly film canister that has spread throughout this country and soon, the world. We need to study the film so we can cut and splice it’s genetic sequence to figure out a cure to reverse it’s deadly effects and create a healing vaccine.

Our Christian scientists have found 45 minutes of film that could have been cut out. They theorize that these 45 minutes are the most potently boring strain of “filmitis” and once removed, may make the movie barely viewable. Still, our scientists recommend we stay as far away from this movie as possible even with revisions. It’s also being suggested that one should not even talk about the movie to other people out of fear of possibly being bored to death by a reenactment of the film.

Please spread the word to your friends and loved ones to avoid any contact with this strain of “filmitis”. We have to fight for our lives and pray that a directors cut is never released, because it could lead to a mass extinction of our species. May God have mercy on our souls.