JESUS WAS GAY
This is probably the most difficult blog we have ever written. It pains me and Trevor deep in our hearts to have to type these words. And i completely understand how hard this realization is going to be, for all of the faithful Christians worldwide who are reading these typed words.
But our years of research and new discoveries have led us to one conclusion. And it isn’t an easy one to swallow.
Let us start with our research and go from there.
As most of you die-hard Rapture Right fans know, Trevor and myself hold the shared world record for the most times reading the Bible in a 24 hour period. 13 was the previous record, held by Lance Sterling of Quebec Canada, until we smashed it to shreds and bits, when we each read completely the New testament, 26 times in one sitting.
On my 17th time reading the Bible, during that competition, i started to notice something odd. Firstly there is a huge chunk of Jesus’ life that is missing from the Bible. Almost 18 years of his life we know nothing about. What was he doing during this missing 18 years? Why didn’t anyone ever write about this and more importantly why didn’t Jesus himself tell us where he had been?
Then it started to become clear, although the clarity was brief and was soon replaced by a dark cloud of shame.
Jesus never had a girlfriend nor was he ever married. The speculation as to his marriage to Mary Magdalene is just that, speculation. And here is a guy who was incredibly popular, he was like a rock star of his time. He should have had women all around him, willing to do anything to get a piece of the Lord. And although he was only half human, his human half would have had human urges. One of those would have been to mate.
Then we have these more disturbing facts.
Jesus spent the majority of his time around men. Deep in the desert, hot and filthy living like a rock star, surrounded by men in dresses. We all know what happens to men when they are forced to spend long periods of time with other men. In fact a new report on homosexuality in organized sports says that over 56 percent of men who spend 4 hours or more a week playing sports with other men, have a 89 percent higher chance of engaging in homo-erotic relations, with those same men.
Jesus would have had a HUGE amount of gay pressure on him. Couple this with the fact that he didn’t want to talk about his past (the missing 18 years) and that he had no girlfriend or wife, and we can come to only one conclusion.
Jesus was in fact a homo-gay.
Ok, lets take a break. I know and Trevor knows, just how you are feeling right now. We had this same feeling when we put all the facts together. Jesus never talked about gays, he never said it was wrong. He never stood up on hill anywhere and shouted “thou shalt not lay with another man, if you are indeed a man as well, nor should you lay with a woman if you are also a woman, unless your husband demands it and then you shall obey his request”.
In fact what he probably shouted from the hill was “Come all thy followers of me, bow down before me and let me sing for you and let me braid your curly locks of man hair, for i am your man of men, king of kings!”. I am paraphrasing of course.
We Christians do NOT have to accept homo-gays and their wicked lifestyles. It is written in the Old testament that gays are bad and we don’t have to like em. And although the New Testament completely cancels out the Old Testament, we here at The Rapture Right Ministries say “NO, we shall not let this logic poison our well of faith, we shall love Jesus but we shall not approve of his lifestyle choice”.
We also strongly suggest that everyone paint clothes on your Jesus’ if you have a picture of him on the cross anywhere in your house. Kneeling down in front of a half naked gay man and praying for him to “touch you”, will be even more difficult than accepting that…… Jesus was gay.
Long time reader first time commenter. You have opened my eyes, for a long time I have been curious some time of what kind of life Jesus lived behind closed doors. I thank you and I know in my heart of hearts that you two will soon be the first men alive to be named co-popes. Blessings upon you, praise Jesus.
Hang on then. God is the product of three entities — the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. So if Jesus is gay, then does that not mean that God is a homosexual as well. I suspose the Bible was right, when it said that God loved man.
Be serious… You two are gay…
You didnt know about 18 years of his life cuz he wasnt real. some guy back in the day probaly got bored or high and came up with some random fucking story and called it the holey fucking bible. And if you actualy knew anything about it you would have know that noone knew that he was the so called “gods son” until he soposably gave his life on some hunk of wood they had laying around. he had the hype on him Because he probaly got high one day and said hey im going to get a bunch of dumbass people to follow me around. And how the Hell could his mom get knocked up by someone who isnt real???? she was probaly a whore and his dad was probaly some farmer.
You will both burn in hell for this blasphemy! I am really starting to question your motives in this so called boycott. Personally I would never go and see this idiotical movie and I thought you to were on the rightous side by boycotting. NOw you turn around and spew this tripe? Jesus lived WITHOUT sin. We all know that gay is a sin. Therefore, Jesus cannot be gay!!!!!!!! You have absolutely no logic or proof. You morons need to get real and read the real Bible and not some Mormom, Jewish, or Arab Bible. Gosh! Maybe you to are gay!!!!!!!!! Burn in Hell faggots!
Holy Crap!!! You gays…ur…guys are right on the money here. What an eye opener. I really think you two, as well as the low life morons who read this crap should learn how to spell. My god, what has this country come to. If John Adams, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson or any of the other founders of this country could see what is happening here they’d turn over in their graves. Get a life and an education.
Sincerely,
Longjonson
Oh man I fucking love you guys and the Westboro church. So amazingly hilarious. Best source of entertainment, ever. Never stop what you do. Even the people you hate think you’re just adorable!
*pinches cheeks*
Dear Rapture Right,
Thanks so much for this really sad yet genuinely inspirational entry.
I have a question: are any of the US Presidential candidates this year safe for Christians? I was going to compromise and vote for John McCain, but now that he’s chosen a female VP I’m really not sure…should I just not vote? Any advice you have will be helpful.
You guys are the best. Mind if I start a chapter of The Rapture Right here in Joburg, South Africa?
I’m curious if you two are for real. The way you descibe jesus is no way a follower would ever approve of.
And I’m pretty sure Jesus would not approve of you refering to you beating Lance Sterling record as ’smashing it to shreds and bits”. After all Jesus, as well as God, are about “love and acceptance and caring”. The tone you use to describe you’re victory over Lance sounds hostile and ill natured. Almost as if you were holding yourselves higher than him. Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t this clasify as vanity? Isn’t Vanity a sin? Doesn’t that make you Sinners?
PS. Don’t think that all non-christian believers are stupid. I am a non-believer, but I’m not iggnorant.
Evan, you are ignorant. The first thing you said was you were curious if it was real. Though I’m going with probability that you aren’t a troll poster that doesn’t know this site is a promotion for a movie (an awesome movie that needs to come out on DVD now pls) yourself.
What is really ridiculous about these comments is that you can’t tell who is absolutely insane and who is sarcastically ironic.
I was homosexual partner to Jesus Christ
Actually God said thou shalt not lay with another man, if you are indeed a man as well, if you are indeed a man as well, nor should you lay with a woman if you are also a woman. Look at LEVITICUS 18:19-23. EXCEPT The holy bible of God of Christianity didn’t say,” unless your husband demands it and then you shall obey his request.” Unless your reading from jacked up books(bibles) like the Morman, nec, especially muslim, or other bibles. Even satanist know that!Unless u guys are one cause that bible that fell had a Masonry symbol on it,and anyone of that don’t know of it should know that that religion gets some of it’s funds from satanistic occults and associate with some of their biblical doctrine and believe me it aint pretty or from THEE GOD.
The 18yrs Jesus was missing…. it is well documented that he traveled to the “East” probably India. That is where he learned from Buddhist and Hindus, tweaked it a little, and brought it back for the dumbasses. (who, even to this day, can’t get it right)
you guys need to get a fucking life!!!!! the jonas brothers? jesus was gay? give me a fucking break! the is no god, there never will be a god. get over it.
fuck you
Brilliant. And look at these idiots who are like, “Oh my gosh, don’t disrespect our god!” Truthseeker777 is an ass, as well. Apparently he doesn’t know that other religions do not call their holy books bibles. That name is reserved for the book of bigots.
jesus ftnered himself
jesus fathered himself
Can I say that this site is almost as entertaining as The Onion or The Daily Mash
i thought to be a creshten you have to be strate
If we are created in God’s image and I am bicurious, wouldn’t got be a little bicurious too?
you got to be fucking kidding me right?
I didn’t understand some of that, but I think it is ok for Jesus to be like that because he was the son of God. I don’t think he was, but even if he was, it doesn’t count because he did his father’s will, right?
Certainly Jesus Christ was the first gay to be accepted by humanity!